When You Pass Through The Waters

Have you ever had an experience that you felt was unreal?An experience you never thought would happen to you? An experience that must only happen to other people and not to you? 

That was how I felt for two days now. 

I noticed my neck was bigger than what it was supposed to be. Okay, my mom noticed it a few months back and I brushed it off as having  a muscly neck. Then the pictures taken last Sunday emphasized that big neck. 

It was as if I needed a push to have my neck examined. Being a doctor, you tend to look at the worst of  things when you feel certain symptoms. I was in complete denial.

A few years back, while in residency, one or our consultants noted the one of my eyes was getting "bigger".  I also noticed it, but was hoping it wasn't something to be worried about. After learning my mom had hyperthyroidism, I had thyroid function tests done - which to my relief were normal. I thought my eyes needed to be seen by an ophthalmologist instead. Let's just say I kept delaying going to one.

Fast forward to five years later and the "big eye" was still there. I cringed when I saw my face in pictures but got over it and moved on with my life.

Going back to the events yesterday, I had a thyroid ultrasound done and the findings: slightly enlarged thyroid with a nodule on the right lower pole. In short, that big neck was actually a small goiter. I am thankful that I did not have any of the symptoms associated with a big goiter (yet): difficulty swallowing, difficulty in breathing. That same day I also had another thyroid function test done.

Since yesterday, I felt light-headed. It felt that I was living through the motions but was not really there. I got my thyroid function test results today. The results showed hyperthyroidism: elevated FT3 and FT4 (otherwise known as thyroid hormones) and low Thyroid Stimulation Hormones (TSH). So I WAS hyperthyroid. I was baffled because 4years ago, I really gained weight. The usual hyperthyroid is thin.

I cried this afternoon. I cried so hard my eyes were red. I had to pull myself together though as I had to go to my clinic. When I got back home, I cried again. I cried dramatically inside the car like someone who was hurt.

I know this isn't something that God wanted for me. I know this was not a punishment. I was grateful for the push to have my exams done. I know this is another opportunity for God to show HIs faithfulness, His sovereignty, His love for me.

After writing this, there is peace in my heart. I will be seeing an endocrinologist on Thursday. Looking forward to know the next step to take.

I am surrendering this season to God. I am surrendering this illness to God. I am excited to see how God will move in my healing. 

Reminded of this verse from Matthew, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26).

I will not be held back by this sickness. I have a God who heals, and He is by my side!

In Isaiah 43:2, God promises this to the Israelites, "I  will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you.” 

How about you? Have you ever felt this way?